CHAPTER THREE
Secret Frustrations
A young lady I know volunteers at Lakewood on our prayer team. She
and her husband have been trying to have a baby for years. During our
services, she’ll pray for people who are also trying to have a child. Again
and again the people she prays for have come back with their babies in
their arms, so happy and fulfilled. She sees their prayers get answered,
but her own prayer has not been answered. This young lady looks as
though she has it all. She’s beautiful and successful and has a great
husband, but what you can’t see is that secret frustration, that one thing
she can’t understand.
Life is full of seeming contradictions like this that try to keep us in
the darkness. You’re helping other people get well, but you don’t feel
well. Your coworkers keep getting promoted, and though you’re working
just as hard, producing just as much, nobody notices you. All of us have
secret frustrations—things that we know God could change. We know He
could open the door, or He could remove the temptation, or He could give
us the baby we’re dreaming about, but it’s not happening. It’s easy to get
stuck with the “why” questions.
We have to realize that God is a sovereign God. We’re not going to
understand why everything happens or doesn’t happen. There are some
things God doesn’t remove. There are some situations that He waits a
long time to change. You have to trust that He knows what’s best for you.
If you keep the right attitude, all those frustrating situations that are not
changing and afflictions that He’s not removing won’t work against you,
but instead will work for you. Don’t let the contradictions of life cause
you to get sour and give up on your dreams.
Making Grace Our Sufficiency
The apostle Paul, who wrote about half the books of the New Testament,
talked about these secret frustrations. He was highly educated and came
from an influential family. God used Paul in a great way, but, as effective
as Paul was, he had a secret frustration. He called it “a thorn in the flesh.”
Scholars have debated whether it was a physical condition such as an
illness, an emotional issue, the persecution he often endured, or the
people who were constantly coming against him. Whatever that thorn
was, whatever was bothering him, Paul prayed three times for God to
remove it. One translation of the Scripture says he “implored” God to
take it away. That means that Paul gave it his best argument. “God, I’ve
served You. I’ve been my best. I’ve prayed for others, and they’ve been
healed. God, please heal me. I’m tired of this thorn, and I’m tired of
people treating me wrongly because of it. God, please take it away.” If
anybody ever had pull with God, it was Paul. But what’s interesting is
that God never removed that thorn. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12 that
God’s answer to him was, “My grace is sufficient for you. My power
shows up greatest in weakness.”
Is there something you’ve implored God to change, perhaps a
situation in your health, your finances, a relationship? You’ve asked
again and again, but nothing’s improved. I’m not saying to give up and
settle there in a dark place. What I’m saying is that if God is not
removing it or changing it, don’t let it steal your joy, don’t let it sour your
life. God has given you the grace to be there. The right attitude is, I’m not
going to let this secret frustration, this thorn in my flesh, so to speak,
frustrate me anymore. God, I know Your grace is suf icient for me. I have
the power to be here with a good attitude. I believe that at the right time
You will change it; but if it never changes, I’m still going to be my best
and honor You.
You have to make up your mind about what frustrates you. If that
issue with your spouse doesn’t change, if your health doesn’t improve, if
you have to put up with that grouchy boss for the rest of your life, if you
have to struggle with that temptation till the day you die, you’re not going
to complain, and you’re not going to use it as an excuse to slack off.
You’re going to tap into this grace. It’s sufficient for you. That means
you are well able to enjoy your life in spite of these secret frustrations.
Here’s a key: don’t focus on the frustration. Paul could have gone
around thinking, God, why won’t You remove this thorn? If he had gotten
stuck on the whys of life, he would have never fulfilled his destiny. We
do the same when we keep asking why God hasn’t changed our child or
caused our business to grow. Faith is trusting God when life doesn’t make
sense.
A man named Smith Wigglesworth was one of the great ministers
who lived back in the early nineteen hundreds. He held large meetings
where hundreds of people came and were healed. He saw all kinds of
miracles. But Wigglesworth suffered most of his life from kidney stones.
There were times when he would go home after a service in so much pain
that he couldn’t walk. He’d lie on his floor hour after hour, trying to get
relief. Here he’d just seen great miracles, but he didn’t receive his own
miracle. Like Paul, he could have been bitter and thought, This is not
right, God. You healed them, and You could heal me. This isn’t fair.
Instead he had this attitude: Your grace is suf icient for every situation.
Even when I don’t understand, even when it doesn’t seem fair, I’m still
going to trust You. I’m not going to let this secret frustration keep me
from my destiny.
If you’re going to reach your full potential, you can’t be a weakling.
You have to be a warrior. There will be things you don’t understand,
things that don’t make sense, but God knows what He’s doing. His ways
are better than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. He is
the Potter, and we are the clay. If it’s supposed to be removed, He’ll
remove it. If not, dig your heels in and fight the good fight of faith. You
have the grace you need for every situation.
Why We May Need to Carry Our Bed
When Jesus healed a man who had been crippled for thirty-eight years,
He told him to get up off the ground, take up his bed, and walk (see John
5). It’s significant that He told him to take his bed with him. He could
have said, “Just get up and be on your way.” After all, the man didn’t
need his bed anymore. But Jesus was saying, “The thing that held you
back, the thing that kept you for years from being your best, I want you to
take that with you as a reminder of what I’ve done in your life.” Even
though he could walk and didn’t need the bed, it remained a part of his
life. It was a contradiction. “I’m blessed, but I still have this bed. I’m
happy, but I’m still carrying this bed.” I can imagine him helping
somebody else who was struggling. They would look at him and say,
“How can you help me? You still have that bed. You’re still carrying
around that thing that held you back.” The man said, “This is not what
you think. It’s not a limitation to slow me down. It’s a testimony of what
God has done in my life. This bed looks like a liability, but really it’s an
asset. Every time I see it, it reminds me to give God praise. It reminds me
of the dark place He brought me from, and it reminds me that if He did it
for me once, He’ll do it for me again.”
What I’m saying is that even though God frees you from certain
things, you may still have your bed. You may still feel tempted in that
same area. The weakness, the limitation, may not totally go away. But the
reason God didn’t remove the bed wasn’t that He wanted to slow you
down or give you an excuse to fall back, but rather that He wanted it to be
a reminder of where you came from. That bed is not there to discourage
you but to inspire you.
I’ve been ministering now for seventeen years. When I first started, I
was insecure and intimidated and felt unqualified. Over these last years
I’ve grown, I’ve gotten more confident, and I’ve come to better
understand who I am. But the truth is, God didn’t make me into a
different person. When I get up to speak, you may not see it, but I still
have my bed. Those limitations and those weaknesses didn’t all go away.
I still feel them sometimes, but I see them in a new light. They don’t
intimidate me now; rather, they remind me of my dependency on God.
The reason He doesn’t always remove the bed is that when you think
you can do it on your own, and you think you have it all figured out,
you’ll end up right back where you were. But if you’ll see your weakness,
your temptation, as a reminder to ask God for His help and to thank Him
for what He’s done, then you’ll continue to move forward in spite of
what’s come against you. I can say now, “Yes, I have my bed, but I’m
pastoring the church. I have my bed, but I’m helping other people. I have
my bed, but I’m enjoying life, and I’m healthy and whole and blessed.”
Walk in the Place of Peace
In the Old Testament, God told Moses to go tell Pharaoh to let the people
of Israel go. Moses was insecure; after forty years in the wilderness
taking care of sheep, he didn’t feel qualified. He said, “God, how will
they know that You sent me? I don’t have any influence. Why would they
believe me?” God told him to throw his staff to the ground, and when he
did, it became a snake. When Moses picked the snake up, it turned back
into a staff. Then God told him to put his hand into his coat. When he
pulled his hand out, it was full of leprosy. After he put it in again and
pulled it out again, his hand was perfectly normal. God showed Moses
these signs so that he would go into the courts of Pharaoh with
confidence, knowing that God was with him.
But Moses had another concern. He said, “God, You’ve shown me
these great signs, but I can’t stand before Pharaoh because I stutter and
stammer. I have a problem with my speech.” You would have thought,
since God just did all those miracles, He would simply touch Moses’
tongue and take away the stuttering. But God didn’t do it. He didn’t
remove that problem. God was saying to Moses what He said to Paul:
“My strength is made perfect in your weakness. If I needed to remove it
for you to fulfill your destiny, I would have removed it.”
Are you waiting for God to remove something before you can be
happy, before you can pursue a dream, finish school, or be good to
somebody? You have what you need. If God is not removing it, it’s not
an accident. If He’s not changing what you want changed, there is a
reason. You may not be able to see it, it may not make sense to you, but
you have to trust Him. God has your best interests at heart. You’re not
supposed to live frustrated because a problem isn’t turning around. Don’t
live stressed out because a family member is not doing right or be upset
because a dream is taking too long. Come back to that place of peace.
Tried in the Fire of Affliction
The Scripture talks about how we have treasure “in earthen vessels.” Yet
all of us have imperfections within our clay pot—seeming contradictions.
There’s something that’s not being removed or changed that could easily
irritate us and cause us to live frustrated. What is it for you? Perhaps you
say, “If I didn’t have this back pain or this weight problem, I would be
happy.” It might be a coworker who gets on your nerves, or a mother-inlaw who won’t leave and stop interfering. You may have a legal problem
or a financial situation that hasn’t gone away. For many people, it’s the
hurts from going through a bad childhood, then a divorce.
Whatever your thorn is, God is saying to you what He said to Paul:
“My grace is sufficient. Quit fighting it. Quit letting it steal your joy.”
When God is ready to remove it, He will; but until then, you have to tap
into that grace and say, “God, my life is in Your hands. You know what I
want, and You know what’s bothering me. You know my goals and my
dreams. If You’re not removing it, I may not like it, and I may not
understand it, but God, I trust in You.”
Here’s a key: if God is not removing it, there’s a reason. Nothing
happens by accident. Paul thought the thorn in his flesh was to keep him
from getting proud, to keep him from getting puffed up because of the
great revelations he had been given. Only God knows the reason He
allows thorns to remain in our lives. That secret frustration may just be
for a time of testing. It may be for a time when you have to prove to God
that you’re going to be content and do your best when things are not
going your way. You’re going to keep giving even when you’re not
receiving. You’re going to keep trying when every door is closing.
You’re going to keep doing the right thing even when you’re not seeing
right results.
God may be using that thorn to develop your character and grow you
up. Some things you can only learn in the trial of affliction. You can’t
learn them by reading a book or listening to a message. You have to
experience them. The Scripture says, “I have tried you in the fire of
affliction.” That place of testing is where your spiritual muscles are
developed. You can’t get stronger without working out and exercising
those muscles during times of intense pressure. That can be
uncomfortable, it’s not easy, and we don’t like it. But if we stay with it, it
will work for us, not against us. We will be growing, getting stronger,
being prepared for new levels.
You can’t be promoted without preparation. God won’t give you a
hundred-pound blessing when He knows you can lift only fifty pounds. If
He gave you the hundred pounds, it wouldn’t be a blessing; it would be a
burden. He has to get you prepared. Your gifts may take you to a certain
level, but if you don’t have the character to match them, you won’t stay
there. Character is developed in the tough times, when you’re not getting
your way but you keep doing the right thing.
As Paul did, we’ve all asked, “God, please remove this secret
frustration.” “Remove this person at work who gets on my nerves.”
“Change my spouse and make him more loving.” “Give me the baby
we’ve been praying for.” Until God changes it, if you’ll keep doing the
right thing, not letting it sour you, not getting frustrated, not giving up,
then here’s the beauty of it: even if the situation never changes, you will
change. You’re getting stronger, you’re coming up higher, you’re being
prepared for the fullness of your destiny.
Let Your Character Be Developed
I’ve learned that our character is more important than our talent. We can
have all the talent in the world, but if we don’t have strong character, we
won’t go very far. We can all trust God in the good times—that’s easy.
But can you trust Him with the secret frustrations, the things that haven’t
changed? You’ve prayed and believed, but God hasn’t removed it. The
question is not only if you can trust God but, more important, if God can
trust you. Will you pass that test and stay in faith even when you don’t
understand it?
My father started Lakewood in 1959 with ninety people. A few years
later, he left the church, having put somebody else in charge, so he could
travel around the world. He would hold big crusades in other countries
with crowds of fifty thousand people. He saw God do amazing things. He
was living his dream. But at one point he knewu he was supposed to come
back and pastor Lakewood again. My mother said, “John, when Houston
hears you’re back, they’re going to be so thrilled! They’re going to come
out by the thousands.” Well, Houston heard, but Houston didn’t care.
They stayed away by the thousands! Instead of preaching to the huge
crowds that he’d become used to, he was speaking to ninety people, three
times a week, year after year. Down deep my father had this secret
frustration. “God, I’m made for more than this. I’m being my best, I’m
honoring You, but I’m not seeing growth. Nothing is changing.”
What my father didn’t realize was that something was changing—not
the size of the congregation, but he himself. He was developing character;
he was proving to God that he would be faithful in the tough times. On
the outside my father was happy, and there was never a question about
whether he gave his all to those ninety people. But down deep inside, he
had to deal with this secret frustration. “God, why isn’t the church
growing?” Then, in 1972, it was as though somebody opened up a faucet
and people started pouring in from all parts of the city. Lakewood grew
and grew to a church of thousands. God had used the dark place to bring
my father into abundant blessing.
Like my father, maybe you’re doing the right thing, but your secret
frustration is not changing—you’re not seeing any growth, you’re not
being promoted. Nothing may be happening on the outside, but if you
keep the right attitude, something is happening on the inside. God is
changing you. Keep doing the right thing, keep being good to people,
keep giving it your best and having an excellent spirit. God is growing
you up. You’re being prepared for promotion. Too many people let these
secret frustrations cause them to get sour, lose their passion, and slack
off. Recognize that what you’re facing is a test. If you’ll keep doing the
right thing, God will get you to where you’re supposed to be.
A Tale of Two Sisters
In Genesis 29–30 is the story of two sisters named Rachel and Leah.
When a young man named Jacob saw Rachel, he fell head over heels for
her. It was love at first sight. Rachel was extremely attractive. The
Scripture says, “She was beautiful in every way, with a lovely face and
shapely figure.” When God says you’re fine, you really have it going on.
Jacob didn’t have to think twice—he was in love. He asked her father,
Laban, if he could marry her. Laban said, “Yes, but you have to first
work for me for seven years.”
Jacob worked those seven years and was very excited, but Laban
tricked Jacob. At weddings back then, the brides wore veils so thick that
you couldn’t tell who was under them. Jacob assumed he was getting
Rachel, but instead it was Leah. The Scripture says, “Leah’s eyes were
weak and dull looking.” I’m not sure what “weak” means in reference to
eyes, but I know what “dull looking” is. No offense to Leah, but Rachel
got the looks in the family.
At the wedding they probably had a little too much to drink. In any
case, Jacob woke up the next morning, looked over in bed, and there were
weak eyes staring back at him. He nearly passed out. He ran back to
Laban and said, “What do you mean giving me Leah? That’s not the deal
we made!” Laban answered, “I know, but our tradition says the older
sister has to be married off first. Work for me another seven years, and
I’ll give you Rachel as well.” Jacob did that and was finally able to marry
Rachel.
I’m sure that when people saw Rachel around town, so friendly, so
beautiful, they thought, That’s one blessed lady. She’s stunning, has a
husband who adores her, and comes from a good family. But what they
couldn’t see was that Rachel had a secret frustration. Her dream was to
have a baby, but she was barren and stuck in a really dark place. She
couldn’t conceive a baby, and year after year went by with no children. I
can hear her saying every night, “God, please give me a child. God,
please remove this barrenness. I want to have a baby.”
On the other hand, her sister, Leah, gave Jacob one son after another,
six strong, handsome boys as well as one beautiful daughter. Life seemed
good for Leah. Her dream had come to pass, and God had blessed her
with a healthy family. However, Leah too had a secret frustration, an
equally dark place. The Scripture says, “Jacob loved Rachel more than
Leah.” Leah was so proud of her sons and daughter, they brought so
much joy to her life, but I can hear her saying every night, “God, this is
so painful. Why doesn’t Jacob love me more? Why don’t You change his
heart?”
The point is, everybody is dealing with a secret frustration. Whether
you’re Rachel, blessed in one area, or Leah, blessed in another, there will
be things that frustrate you, things you don’t understand, things God is
not removing. You have to make up your mind that you’re not going to
let it sour your life; you’re not going to live frustrated. Do what you can,
but trust God to do what you can’t. The right attitude is, God, if it never
changes, if I never have children, I’m still going to be happy. If my
marriage never improves, I’m not going to live sour. If somebody looks
better than I, has more than I, is more talented than I, I’m not going to be
jealous or bitter. I’m at peace with who I am.
When you live in peace, you won’t be trying to figure out why
someone else got the looks or someone else has all the children, or be
trying to get your husband to love you more. You give it to God. At the
right time God will remove what’s supposed to be removed. He’ll change
what’s supposed to be changed. That’s what happened with Rachel.
Years later God removed the barrenness, and she had a remarkable son
named Joseph. The darkness gave way to the light, and that secret
frustration gave way to a huge blessing.
Whether It Changes or Not
For most of my father’s life, he struggled with high blood pressure. He
was constantly trying new medicines to control it. Many times the side
effects would make him miserable. He was helping people every week,
changing lives all over the world, yet he struggled with this sickness.
Nobody I have known had more faith than my father, nobody knew the
Scripture as he did, but for some reason God never took it away. Yet I
never heard my father complain. His attitude was, God, I’m going to be
my best whether or not You heal me of this high blood pressure. He had a
made-up mind. Toward the end of his life, the medicine would make him
dizzy, and sometimes he wouldn’t sleep all night, but he would come in
on Sundays and preach his heart out. He could have thought, God, I’ve
served You for fifty years—the least You could do is answer this prayer.
But he didn’t let that secret frustration stop him. He trusted God even
when things didn’t seem to make sense.
At seventy-seven years old, after my father had to go on dialysis, he
was still ministering every weekend. One night he couldn’t sleep, and he
called my brother-in-law Gary and asked him to come visit. Around one
in the morning they were talking, and Gary asked my father what he
thought about the difficulty he was going through. My father said, “Gary,
I don’t understand it all, but I know this: His mercy endures forever.”
Those were the last words my father ever spoke. A few seconds later he
had a heart attack and went to be with the Lord. I love the fact that even
though God didn’t remove the high blood pressure, my father didn’t get
bitter, and he died in faith. Whatever secret frustration you’re dealing
with, you have to make the decision that my father made: if it never
changes, you’re still going to stay in faith.
This is what three Hebrew teenagers did in the Scripture. They
wouldn’t bow down to the king of Babylon’s golden idol. He was so
furious that he was about to have them thrown into a fiery furnace. They
said, “King, we’re not worried. We know that our God will deliver us.
But even if He doesn’t, we’re still not going to bow down.” This is the
key: you stay in faith, believe in your dreams, believe the situation will
turn around, but then take it one step further and declare, “Even if it
doesn’t happen my way, even if I don’t get delivered, I’m still going to be
happy. God, if You turn it around, I’m going to give You praise. And if
You don’t turn it around, I’m still going to give You praise.” You live
like that and all the forces of darkness cannot keep you from your
destiny.
Friend, don’t let secret frustrations steal your joy and keep you in a
dark place. Have a new perspective. You have the grace for anything
you’re facing. If God is not removing it, there’s a reason. Don’t try to
figure it out; trust Him. If you’ll do this, you will not only enjoy your life
more, but God will remove everything that’s supposed to be removed,
and you will rise higher, overcome obstacles, and become everything you
were created to be.
BLESSED IN THE DARKNESS 