We all go through difficulties, setbacks, and loss. Pain is a part of life,
and it often feels like a dark place. It’s easy to get discouraged and think,
God, why did this happen to me? But one of the most important things
I’ve learned is not to put a question mark where God has put a period. All
of us live through things we don’t understand. One reason is that we can’t
see the big picture for our lives. If you have a jigsaw puzzle, on the front
of the box is the picture that shows you what it’s going to look like.
Maybe it’s a picture of a sunset overlooking the ocean. As a whole it’s
fantastic, so beautiful. But if you take one piece of that puzzle and isolate
it, you’ll think, This piece is a mistake. It’s not going to fit anywhere. It’s
shaped oddly, and there’s nothing beautiful about it. But the fact is, it has
a perfect place. It’s already been fitted, planned, designed. When all the
pieces come together, it’s going to fit right in. You just can’t see it now
because the other pieces are not in place.
In a similar way, sometimes we look at the pieces in our lives that
don’t make sense. “I lost a loved one.” “I went through a divorce.” “I’m
fighting cancer.” “Joel, my business went under. This piece couldn’t be a
part of God’s plan.” You have to trust that even in the painful times—the
times when you’re hurting, you’re lonely, you’re undergoing medical
treatment, and when on the surface the pieces of your life don’t make
sense—even then, God doesn’t make any mistakes. He’s already
designed your life and laid out every piece, down to the smallest detail.
He never said we would understand everything along the way. God didn’t
promise that there wouldn’t be any pain, suffering, or disappointment.
But He did promise that it would all work out for our good. That piece
that’s painful, that doesn’t look as though it makes sense—when
everything comes together, it’s going to fit perfectly in place.
The key is what you do in your times of pain. Pain will change us.
Difficulties, heartache, suffering—they don’t leave us the same. When I
went through the loss of my father, I didn’t come out of that experience
the same person. I was changed. If you go through a divorce or a legal
battle, or have a friend who betrays you, eventually the experience will
pass and you will get through it, but you will be different. How the pain
changes you is up to you. You can come out bitter, or you can come out
better. You can come out with a chip on your shoulder, saying, “Why did
this happen?” Or you can come out stronger with a greater trust in God.
You can come out defeated, having given up on your dreams, or you can
come out blessed with a new fire, looking for the new opportunities in
front of you.
We all experience pain. My challenge is, don’t just go through it;
grow through it. That difficulty is an opportunity to get stronger, to
develop character, to gain a greater trust in God. Anybody can fall apart;
anybody can get bitter—that’s easy. But what that’s doing is wasting
your pain. That pain is not there to stop you; it’s there to develop you, to
prepare you, to increase you.
No Pain, No Gain
The Scripture talks about how God is not only in control of our lives,
He’s in control of the enemy. Satan had to ask for permission from God
before he could test Job. The enemy may turn on the furnace, but the
good news is that God has His hand on the thermostat. God controls how
much heat, how much pain, how much adversity we will face. He knows
what we can handle. If it is going to harm us rather than help us, He dials
it back. In those tough times, when it’s uncomfortable, when you’re
dealing with an illness or going through a loss, you could easily let it
overwhelm you. It’s helpful to remind yourself, “I may be in the furnace,
but I know who’s controlling the temperature. The God who breathed His
life into me, the God who is for me and not against me, the God who
crowned me with favor, the God who takes pleasure in prospering me,
He’s in complete control. He’s not going to let it get too hot. He’s not
going to let it defeat me. I may not like it, but I’m not a whiner. I’m a
warrior. I know I can handle it.” You have that attitude, and you’re going
to come out refined, purified, prepared, and stronger.
You’ve heard the saying “No pain, no gain.” If everything were
always easy, we wouldn’t be prepared for our destiny. Some of the
situations and pressures that I face today would have overwhelmed me if
I’d faced them ten years ago. I couldn’t have handled it back then. God
knows exactly what you need and when you need it. Every struggle is
making you stronger. Every difficulty is growing you up. You may not
like it, but every painful time is developing something in you that can be
developed only in the tough times. Don’t complain about the pain,
because without the pain you wouldn’t reach the fullness of your destiny.
In 1982, researchers aboard the space shuttle Columbia did an
experiment with honeybees. They took them up into space to study the
effects of weightlessness on them. According to a NASA memo, the bees
“were unable to fly normally and tumbled into weightlessness.” Then it
was reported that “the bees have all gotten stationary.” One can imagine
that they just floated through the air with great ease, having a great time
while not having to use their wings. Perhaps they thought, This is the life.
This is the way we were created to live—no struggle, no hardship, no
pain. But they all died. They may have loved having it easy, having no
adversity, but they weren’t created for that. You might say that they
enjoyed the ride, but they died.
Like those bees, we weren’t made to float through life on flowery
beds of ease. We’re going to the sweet by-and-by, but we’re living in the
nasty now-and-now. We’d love to not have any pain, suffering, bad
breaks, betrayals, or loss, but that’s not reality. Difficulties will come,
and pain is a part of life, so keep the right perspective.
In the tough dark times, God is getting you prepared. If it were too
much, God would dial back the intensity. He has His hand on the
thermostat. Quit telling yourself that you can’t take it. You’re not weak.
You are well able. You are full of can-do power. You are armed with
strength for this battle. The reason the fire is so hot is that there’s
something big in your future. God is growing you up. He’s getting you
ready to receive blessings, favor, and increase as you’ve never seen.
There Is a Lesson in the Pain
There is purpose in your pain. God allows the pain, but He doesn’t say,
“Let Me give them some pain to make their life miserable. Let Me hit her
with this sickness, and let Me cause him some heartache.” He uses it for a
purpose. We’re not always going to understand it. “Why did I get sick?
Why did my loved one not make it? Why did my marriage not work?” I
can’t answer the whys, but I can tell you that if God allowed it, He knows
how to bring good out of it. This is what faith is all about. “God, I don’t
like this pain and darkness, but I trust You. I believe You’re in control.
I’m not just going to go through it, I’m going to grow through it. I’m
going to keep a good attitude. I’m going to count it all joy, knowing that
this pain is going to lead to my gain.”
Sometimes we bring the pain on ourselves. We make poor choices,
get into a relationship that we knew would not be good, or get in over our
head in our spending, and then there’s the pain—we’re dealing with the
consequences. God is full of mercy, and He’ll always give us the grace to
get through it. But in order not to waste the pain, you have to learn the
lesson. Be big enough to say, “Here’s where I missed it. I ignored the
warnings, and I got involved with the wrong people. I got out of God’s
timing, but I’m not going to do that again.” There’s a lesson in that pain.
Don’t be a hardhead and keep going through the same pain again and
again.
A man I know struggled with diabetes for years and ended up in the
hospital for a month. I saw him in the lobby afterward and he looked
better than ever. He said, “Joel, that time in the hospital was a wake-up
call. I’ve lost forty pounds and changed my diet. I exercise every day and
feel like a new man.” What is he doing? He’s not wasting the pain. He
learned the lesson.
We talk about how important it is to let go of the past, to let go of the
divorce, the failure, the bad break, and that’s true. But before you let go
of the negative event, you need to remember the lesson that you learned
from the experience. You’re doing yourself a disservice if you go through
a painful time and don’t come out with what you were supposed to gain. I
talked to a man who was about to get married for the fourth time. I’m not
judging him, and I don’t know his story, but he made one statement that
was very telling. He said, “Joel, pray for me. All my wives have run
around on me.” I didn’t say it, but I thought, The one common
denominator in this is you. Maybe the lesson he needs to learn is to be
careful about the kind of women to whom he gravitates.
There’s a lesson in the pain. Don’t keep repeating the same mistakes.
Consider a guy who was driving his car, had an accident, and got out
upset. He went over to the other driver and said, “Lady, why don’t you
watch where you’re going? You’re the fifth person who’s run into me
today!” He’s going to keep experiencing that pain until he gets big
enough to look inside and say, “You know what, I have to learn how to
drive.” Are you bringing pain on yourself? Are you struggling with
relationships that don’t last, perhaps because you keep saying everything
you feel like saying? The pain will stop if you learn the lesson and zip it
up.
The Birth of Something New
Sometimes we experience pain that has nothing to do with our choices. It
isn’t our fault. We are doing the right thing, and the wrong thing happens.
At forty-eight years of age, my mother was raising five children and
pastoring the church with my father, and life was good. She was
diagnosed with terminal cancer. Not only was that physically
uncomfortable, it was emotionally painful, making her think about
leaving her children, leaving her husband. My mother didn’t get
depressed or bitter. She had learned that where God puts a period, she
shouldn’t put a question mark. She said, “God, my life is in Your hands.
You said the number of my days You will fulfill.
I know that people don’t have the final say; You have the final say.”
It didn’t happen overnight, but my mother got better and better. Today
not only is she healthy and whole but, out of that difficulty, out of that
painful time, God birthed something new in her. She started going around
praying for other people who were sick. The very thing that tried to
destroy her was what God used to push her to a new level of her destiny.
She goes up to the medical center every week and has healing services in
the chapel. What the enemy means for your harm, God will use to your
advantage.
There are times when God will allow us to go through a painful
season so He can birth something new on the inside. Paul said in 2
Corinthians, “The God of all comfort, who comforts us in our time of
trouble, so we can comfort those in need, with the comfort we have
received.” If you go through something you don’t understand, instead of
getting upset and asking, “God, why me?” have a new perspective. God
allowed this to happen because He trusts you. He knows He can count on
you to take the same comfort, the same healing, the same encouragement
that helped you overcome this trouble, and share it with others. Even
though my mother’s struggle with cancer was very difficult, she said she
wouldn’t trade it. She wouldn’t have it any different. The pain was for a
greater purpose.
Maybe you’ve gone through something you don’t understand—
sickness, abuse, infertility, raising a difficult child. It’s painful. Life
didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped. It’s easy to have a victim mentality
and think, If God is good, why did this happen to me? Why did those
people mistreat me growing up? Why did I have this bad break? It’s
because God knows He can trust you with it. The forces of darkness
wanted to take you out, but God had His hand on the thermostat. God
said, “Not so fast. That’s My son, that’s My daughter. I have an
assignment for them.” God told Satan, “You can test My servant Job, but
you can’t take his life. He’s not going to quit serving Me. I know Job.”
And God is saying this about you: “It’s difficult, but I know what you’re
made of. It’s painful, it’s not fair, but in the end I’m not only going to
bring you out stronger, increased, and promoted, but I’m going to use you
to help others who are struggling in that same area.” There is purpose in
your pain. Do you know how many businesses, ministries, and charities
were birthed out of someone’s pain?
Turn the Pain Around as a Force for Good
In May 1980, Candy Lightner received a phone call telling her that her
thirteen-year-old daughter Cari had been hit by a car while walking to
church. Cari lost her life that day. This mother was devastated and didn’t
think she could go on. But then she found out the man driving the car had
been under the influence of alcohol and was a repeat offender. Something
rose up in Candy that she had never felt—a mother’s rage. In her late
daughter’s bedroom, she started an organization with no money, no
influence, and no experience. She called it Mothers Against Drunk
Driving (MADD). Thirty-seven years later, it is one of the country’s
largest activist organizations and has saved hundreds of thousands of
lives, changed laws, and influenced public awareness and policy.
Candy Lightner understands the principle we’re discussing. She
didn’t waste her pain. No, her efforts didn’t bring her daughter back, but
she knew there was a purpose in that pain. She could have sat around in
the dark place of self-pity and given up on her dreams, but she didn’t put
a question mark where God had put a period. That piece in her puzzle
didn’t make any sense to her at the time, but she believed that when
everything came together, it would fit perfectly into place. That’s what
happened. Today she’s affecting the world. The enemy meant her
experience for harm, but God used it for good.
Most of us are not going to experience something that tragic, but if
Candy can take one of life’s greatest pains and turn it around to become a
force for good, then you and I can find the purpose in our pain. Don’t get
caught up wondering, “Where does this piece of my puzzle go? It’s ugly,
and it doesn’t make sense.” Keep moving forward. Go out as she did and
find somebody you can help. Healing comes when you get outside
yourself and help others. As long as you stay focused on your pain, what
you lost, what didn’t work out, you’re going to get stuck. There’s a
blessing in that pain. You are uniquely qualified. You have something to
give others. You can comfort those who are going through what you’ve
been through.
I know a lady who got a bad medical report. The doctors found what
they thought was a cancerous tumor. We prayed and believed that the test
would come back negative, but it confirmed that the tumor was indeed
cancerous. She’s been coming to Lakewood for a long time. She knows
she’s not a victim; she’s a victor. She understands this principle, that
there’s a purpose to the pain, that God wouldn’t have allowed it if He
weren’t going to bring good out of it. She didn’t get negative or bitter.
Her attitude was, God, I trust You. I know I’m in the palms of Your hands.
This piece of my puzzle doesn’t make sense to me, but I know You have it
all figured out, and in the end it’s all going to work for my good. She
took the chemo for one year. It was difficult, and she didn’t like it, but
today she is eleven years cancer-free. Now she goes back to the hospital
as a volunteer and encourages other people fighting cancer. She tells
them, “I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there. I’ve taken the
chemo. God brought me through it, and He can do it for you.” She’s not
wasting her pain. Her test has become her testimony.
We’ve all been through things that were uncomfortable, things we
didn’t like, but God made a way where we didn’t see a way. If it weren’t
for His goodness, His mercy, and His strength, we wouldn’t be here. God
is counting on us to let our light shine through the dark places. What
you’ve been through will help somebody else get through it. Be on the
lookout for others you can encourage.
My friend Coach Dale Brown told me about a young lady named
Lolo Jones, a star sprinter and two-time World Indoor Champion in the
sixty-meter hurdles. She went to the 2008 Olympics heavily favored to
win the gold medal in the hundred-meter hurdles. Nobody had even
gotten close to her time. She lined up on the track, the starter fired the
gun, and she took off running. Everything was going great, and she was
out in front, just as expected. Eight hurdles down; two to go, and she wins
the gold. But on the ninth hurdle, her timing was off, and against all odds,
she hit the hurdle and slightly fell. It was just enough of a stumble to
allow the woman next to her to pass her. She didn’t win the gold. She had
worked her whole life for that twelve-second race, and it ended with a
huge disappointment. In an interview she said, in effect, “I’m very
disappointed. It’s very painful, but I know now I can help other people
who have fallen.” What is she doing? She’s not wasting her pain.
When you’ve been through something, in one sense you’ve been
given a gift. You’re uniquely qualified to help somebody else in that
situation. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and go lift somebody else up.
Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Nothing is a
coincidence. Some experiences help us grow, mature, and come up
higher. Then there are times when God will allow us to go through a
difficult time so later on we can be instrumental in helping others
overcome.
Can God trust you with pain? Can God trust you to be
uncomfortable? Or will you get discouraged and say, “I don’t understand
why this is happening to me”? I say this respectfully: it’s not all about
you. What if God has allowed this difficulty so three years down the road
you can help somebody else move forward? Can He trust you? When I
lost my father, that was painful. I didn’t like it. But you can’t imagine
how many people tell me, “Joel, when you talk about your father, and
how much you loved him, and how you stepped up and kept moving
forward, that helped me to move forward when my loved one died.” The
comfort I received during that loss I now can pass on to others. We all
have something to give. We’ve all been through loss, pain, and struggle.
Don’t say to yourself, Oh, this is so bad. You may not like it, but there’s
a purpose to the pain.
For the Joy Set before You
I saw a story on the news about a woman who had been perfectly healthy,
but started feeling nauseated. She didn’t know what was wrong. Over the
next few months her back started hurting, and her feet were swelling. She
couldn’t sleep well at night. She went to the doctor early on, and the
doctor thought it was some kind of virus that would pass. Month after
month, different symptoms popped up. She was uncomfortable, swollen,
gaining weight. She didn’t like it. One day she started having a sharp pain
in her stomach area. She tried to endure it, hoping it would pass, but it got
worse and worse. Finally, when she was in pain so excruciating that she
couldn’t take it any longer, her husband rushed her to the emergency
room. The doctor examined her and said, “I know now exactly what the
problem is.” Ninety minutes later, she delivered her first baby boy. She
had been pregnant and hadn’t known it. All those symptoms that she had
been feeling—the pain, the discomfort, the nausea, not sleeping well—
there had been a purpose to them. A change had been taking place, and
she was about to birth something new.
Like her, there are many times when we’re pregnant but we don’t
know it. All we feel is the pain. “This is uncomfortable. Why is this
happening to me?” The pain is a sign that you’re about to give birth. If
you’ll stay in faith, the pain will pass, and you’ll give birth to new
strength, new talents, new ministry, new business, new relationships. You
won’t come out the same. There’s a purpose to that pain. When you’re in
a difficult season, and you don’t understand it, don’t focus on the pain.
Focus on the fact that a new level is coming. The Scripture says, “Jesus
endured the pain of the cross, looking forward to the joy that was set
before Him.” If you just focus on the present pain, you’ll get discouraged
and think, This is not fair. I can’t take this anymore. Have a new
perspective and say, “Yes, this is difficult, and it’s not what I had
planned, but I know this pain is not here to defeat me. It’s here to
promote me. It’s a sign that I’m about to give birth.”
This is what my friends Craig and Samantha did. At the time Craig
was the head of our children’s ministry. He and Samantha had two
beautiful children, and she was expecting a third. When little baby
Connor was born, they soon realized something wasn’t right. As he grew,
he wasn’t developing or talking as their other children had. Connor was
diagnosed with autism. Of course they loved Connor unconditionally, but
it wasn’t what they had been expecting. They were discouraged, but
Craig and Samantha understand the principle. They didn’t put a question
mark where God had put a period. They knew they had been given
Connor because God could trust them. They didn’t waste their pain. Craig
talked to me about how there was no place for special needs children at
our church. Parents couldn’t come and attend a service if their children
required constant attention. He said, “Why don’t we start a special needs
class? We can call it the Champions Club.” He recognized in that painful
time that he was pregnant and that God was about to deliver something
new. We started the Champions Club, and within the first few months,
three hundred new families joined the church! Then other churches heard
about it, and Craig helped them launch their own special needs ministries.
Today there are over thirty Champions Clubs in seven different nations.
When it’s painful, don’t get discouraged. Get ready, because you’re
about to give birth. That discomfort you’re feeling, it’s not just a random
pain—that’s a birth pain. There’s a gift in that pain. There’s a ministry in
that pain. There’s a blessing in that pain. Don’t waste it. Look for
opportunities. As with Craig, God is counting on you to help others
facing the same thing. Can God trust you with pain? Will you get bitter
and give up on your dreams, or will you say, “God, I may not understand
this, but I trust You.”
Remember, God has His hand on the thermostat. He wouldn’t allow
the intense fire if He didn’t have a purpose. Don’t just go through it, grow
through it. If you’ll do this, your pain is going to be turned into your gain.
You’re going to come out stronger, promoted, and increased. Out of that
pain you’re going to give birth to a new level of your destiny.
BLESSED IN THE DARKNESS 